We decided living, and after what had happened living seems to be the only option and that was hard. Well, as of this moment i wont be talking about living, for there's no much to tell about life after we lost our child. Yeah, we decided living and first step is to see the bright side. What i've learned from that experience has changed my views towards people and towards life and towards my faith.
Ive questioned or asked God but still I never hated him.
And it was the time that ive thought things.
Since childhood, I learned to appreciate love stories, Ive learned and dreamt of my dream wedding, the man of my dreams, my dream family but first ive to find my perfect man. I have so many criterias or standards, but again, some in my list wasn't there. In my PERFECT MAN list was, 1. tall 2. sports minded 3. good sense of humor 4. has a great job 5. good looking 6. neat 7. can carry conversations 8. can get along with my friends 9. whos not demanding 10.. and a lot more. Imagine.. i got a lot more! Girls has this imprinted on their minds, or some girls does and im one of them
And again, i realized that none too much of that list is needed in order for you to find your perfect man.It didn't reach 6 or 7 to find him. I found him the day i was laying in the ultrasound room holding my hand so tight when the doctor tells us that we lost our child. I found him, controlling his tears when im powerless of mine. I found him standing amidst our weakest moment, I found him comforting me when I knew he needs comforting too. With all that imperfections, I found him. Staring at me and holding on when i saw no reason to continue what we had. He might boss around, demands or werent that extra sweet but he made me fall inlove with him again.
So what we need is not a list, we need is we should be ready to take risks and chances to what we think is hopeless, a reason is always behind in every dream.We must not try to change a man for what he is not, so that they can fit in our every standard, i could say that let him be the man who he wanted to be and grow with him.
A hand kids past a misplaced believer.
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